If you are so uncomfortable lying about an event or a situation to your spouse that you simply cannot lie about it, there may be something wrong with your perception or your memory. That is, if you are lying about the event, event details may not be right, and if you are lying about the event details you may be lying about the person. “If you lie to yourself, it is impossible to tell the truth to another.” (This is sometimes true with the details of personal details, but not always.)

So, if a man lies to you and says it was his idea, do not believe him, and instead start by asking him questions. (His lying won’t be good enough to make you believe his truth.) But remember, even if he lied, he is not a bad person! It’s a bad idea to have lied to him. Rather, your lying about what you did to be with him may have been done out of inexperience or inexperience of feeling, frustration or anger. Your anger caused you to lie, but he is not a bad person! He may have been trying to make you happy!

“This is how it is. And this is how it should be. But if you are not very successful, it would be much better to be spontaneous. Do not be impatient. I don’t know what kind of future it will be in but you need to have something. Yes, you must have something. You will need to look for something and you will look for something. But whatever it is, do not expect it to come out of nowhere.” (His words, not mine!)

Then start a relationship that is spontaneous, not based on expectation, and spontaneous to be “spontaneous.” But, if you are too spontaneous, your expectations may ruin the relationship. Expectations don’t help to be spontaneous. But, if you don’t have expectations, because you have trust, spontaneity is much more likely to come.

When trust is very developed, your spontaneity will make spontaneity more likely.

This may be a very hard thing to do. Maybe you need help from a couple therapist (parterapeut). If you have trust, then trust will make spontaneity more likely. But, if you are not trusting, then spontaneity won’t come. However, trust may be too much for some people, not just me. If this is you, then a short break may be the right step. You need to have little breaks here and there, not so frequent that you don’t have any, but so that you can get back on track.

As a couple therapist I believe you must take the short break. And in doing so, allow your inner feelings to catch up. I know that it is easy to go quick and get caught up. In fact, it is easy for your emotional feelings to become very strong. But, I believe a brief break is needed, to be sure that you have time to heal. This does not mean you must forget the feelings, just that the feelings are given time to catch up, so that they can return to the present.