The team at Valenti explores various aspects of healthy relationships, including how depression can impact your love life. In this insightful article by Margarita Tartakovsky, there are valuable tips on maintaining mental health and nurturing relationships.

Depression is a challenging illness that clouds your thoughts and emotions, draining self-esteem, energy, motivation, and interest in almost everything. It can also pose challenges for romantic relationships.

Psychologist Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD, in her book “When Depression Hurts Your Relationship: How to Regain Intimacy and Reconnect with Your Partner When You’re Depressed,” emphasizes that depression can hinder your ability to connect with your partner and introduce doubts about your relationship. Symptoms like anger and irritability may create tension between partners.

Self-Doubt

Depression often gives rise to self-doubt, influencing how you perceive your partner and how you believe they perceive you. According to Kolakowski, “Someone with lower self-esteem and depression may struggle in their relationship and think, ‘She doesn’t really care about me. I knew it wouldn’t last,’ whereas someone with a healthier sense of self-worth may think, ‘Right now, we’re going through a tough time, but I know our relationship can withstand this. We’ll work it out.'”

To feel secure in your relationship, she suggests fostering self-compassion.

Criticism

Depression tends to downplay the positives in your life and amplify the negatives. For example, if your partner leaves their clothes out or doesn’t wash the dishes, you might automatically think they’re inconsiderate and don’t care about you. When depression manifests as criticism, as noted by Kolakowski, your partner may feel like they’re walking on eggshells, concerned about facing judgment.

Unrealistic Expectations

Kolakowski points out that you might have an internal script dictating the right things your partner should say and how they should support you. The issue, she notes, is that your partner hasn’t read your script.

“When the other person inevitably deviates from your script, the depressed part of you may react with dissatisfaction, disenchantment, or feelings of failure.”

It’s crucial to remember that your partner isn’t a mind reader. Communicate clearly and directly with them about how you’d like to be supported.

This post was written by a professional at Valenti Matchmaking. Valenti Matchmaking offers discreet personal billionaire matchmaker services as well as all levels of personal, one to one relationship coaching for a select, worldwide clientele of unapologetically selective single, successful and attractive men and women in search of a compatible life partner.